Domestic Violence: When Love Hurts

Domestic violence refers to abuse or aggressive acts against a child, parent, roommate, or other person living in the same household. Intimate partner violence, or abusive acts against a current or former spouse or romantic partner, is also domestic violence. It can include physical acts, threats, intimidation, harassment, and other abusive behavior.

For many of us, it is hard to imagine the people we love trying to hurt us physically or emotionally. Yet the Los Angeles County Domestic Violence Council, which keeps local statistics on domestic and intimate partner violence, reports that:

• Twenty percent of women and 13 percent of men aged 18 and over in Los Angeles County have reported being physically or sexually abused by an intimate partner.
• Nearly seven percent of high school students in the Los Angeles Unified School District reported experiencing physical dating violence.
• Eleven percent of pregnant women have suffered physical, emotional or sexual violence by an intimate partner.

What is Considered Domestic Violence?

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, domestic violence falls into four main types:

• Threats and physical violence, which can result in severe injuries. This also includes the threat of future abuse that causes the victim significant emotional distress.
• Sexual violence which entails forced sexual contact, even among romantic partners.
• Stalking, which is repeated, unwanted contact from a former romantic partner that causes someone to fear for their safety
• Psychological or emotional abuse, which takes the form of manipulation or aggressive communication to control the victim.

For friends and loved ones of a person being abused, the signs may be subtle and not immediately obvious. Some tell-tale signs are when a victim:

• Seems afraid of their partner or is always very anxious to please that person.
• Has stopped seeing friends or family.
• Cuts phone conversations short when their partner is around.
• Makes excuses for his or her partner’s behaviors.
• Acts differently around the partner than when that person is not around.

Some victims may present with obvious physical injuries, and some may not. Abusers may hurt their partners where they leave no marks. In many cases, the abuser has convinced the victim that they are responsible for the abuse, and they deserve it. In those situations, the victim may feel shame and fear being judged if they admit to being abused.

If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence, it is critical to get out of the abusive situation as quickly and safely as possible. The California Partnership to End Domestic Violence maintains a dynamic online database of resources such as shelters, legal services to help with restraining orders and other direct services to survivors. The L.A. County Domestic Violence Hotline is free, confidential and available 24/7. Call (800) 978-3600 if you or someone you know needs support, shelter or other services. And finally, the Los Angeles City Attorney offers a Victim Assistance Program and 30 offices with advocate information on the services for which domestic violence survivors may be eligible.

Remember, love should never hurt. Help is available by reaching out and connecting with the many resources that can help in recovering from domestic violence.